Well, that was embarrassing to watch. It barely passes as a movie, since it does so many things wrong and ultimately is a totally ineffective one.

Thing with the movie is that it attempts to be a thriller with an horror touch to it. A very clichéd and standard horror/thriller, in which a person starts to terrorize a family but a horror/thriller nonetheless. Problem with it though is that it completely fails and falls flat with all of its horror and thriller ingredients.

This all mainly is due to its main character, played by David Arquette. Now, I have nothing against the man but boy, was he terrible in this. Or perhaps I should rather say; he got terribly written. He's supposed to be a scary psychopath but he just does some plain crazy and stupid things in the movie, that aren't scary at all. The sort of stuff that just doesn't make any sense and adds absolutely nothing to the movie its tension or mystery, even while it clearly was supposed to. It's not even laughable bad. Laughing at it would still indicate there is some joy to be found throughout this movie but that however just isn't being the case.

Besides, it's an incredibly sloppy told movie. The director Chris Jaymes clearly had no idea what he was doing and he totally failed at telling a decent story. The movie completely starts to fall apart as it progresses. I do admit that the movie starts off good enough. Nothing too impressive but certainly watchable. It however soon starts to become painfully apparent the movie isn't going anywhere interesting or clever, especially when the movie starts to make some horrible choices with its story. And because it all gets told in such a messy way, it's hard to ever feel involved with the movie, or to even remain interested enough in it, to finish watching it.

Sometimes movies are so bad, they actually become good and fun ones...and then there also are just some movies that are so bad, they are horrible to watch! This movie definitely falls in that latter category and there is absolutely no reason to ever watch it!

2/10

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(Review originally written at 24 August 2007)

Was this movie even being targeted at one specific age group or group in general? It's doubtful, since the movie stars of as a fast paced and brutal straightforward action flick but after the movie its beginning it slowly turns into a a more sappy and generic movie, when a young boy and his mother get involved and of course the tough main character starts to sympathize for them.

Yes, in all fairness the movie did begin promising. It was definitely a case of style over substance but it showed some good and entertaining potential. After the beginning of the movie almost all of the entertainment value of the movie goes down the drain and the movie becomes nothing more than just another average genre piece, in which a couple of thieves constantly chase- and steal from each other, with all of the usual twists, confrontations and action.

The cast isn't too surprising. Kurt Russell, Kevin Costner and Christian Slater are about the three best known actors in the business that are Elvis fans. They played in many Elvis Presley related movies before and in some cases the actual person. It does is surprising how big the cast is and how many big names are in it. Courteney Cox, Kevin Pollak, David Arquette, Jon Lovitz, Thomas Haden Church. It's the sort of movie that makes you wonder why all these actors actually agreed to be in this. Courteney Cox was surprisingly good and shows that she can handle different and more carrying and serious roles. Also good to see Kevin Costner in a more villainous role for a change but its not like he shines in it. Ice-T makes a fun cameo but problem with it is that in his cameo he is being treated as a big star, which he of course isn't. It's as if his cameo is supposed to be the ultimate highlight of the movie.

Even though the movie is fast cut and has a high pace, the movie still feels overlong and not really that thrilling or exciting. This is because there is basically very little good or interesting ever happening into the movie. Its moments are too predictable.

I think I can say that Elvis himself also wouldn't had been too happy with this movie. It prominently features his character, impersonators and his music but it at the same time is a movie that glorifies violence. Seems like the Elvis-link was the only put into the movie to grab the audience attention and make this movie seem different and more special than just any other genre movie.

It has it decent moments, which still help to make this movie a sort of watchable one but it at the same time also features some incredibly bad and disjointed storytelling, with moments in it that in the end just don't make sense or even seem redundant. There also are perhaps a bit too many characters and story lines that just don't interest or work out the way they were supposed to. The ambition during the making of this movie was definitely there but the execution of it all and the eventually end result is just below par.

5/10

(Review originally written at 24 September 2006)

If you're going to watch "Eight Legged Freaks" expecting a tense 'monster' movie with spectacular action and a solid story you shouldn't even think about watching this movie. "Eight Legged Freaks" is a pretty fun parody/homage to the fake and ridiculous monster movies from the '50's.

As a parody/homage this movie is a pretty good and successful one. It uses all of the genre clichés and the movie is filled with some typical B-movie moments, characters and dialog, which obviously were put intentionally into the movie. It makes "Eight Legged Freaks" a fun movie to watch, especially when you're familiar with the '50's B-movie monster genre.

But just because its fun, that doesn't mean that the movie is a great or perfect one to watch. There are several things wrong with this movie, which is the reason why the movie is overall still a bit of a disappointing one. I expected a fun perfect to watch parody/homage but the end result was a mixed movie with a fun and comical undertone but also with a disjointed story with simple characters which makes this movie not always a pleasant one to follow.

The overly present humor makes sure that the movie never gets tense or horrifying. Because of the tone of the movie you can never take the movie and what happens in it ever serious. That's the reason why it lacks in tension, which causes this movie also being far from an interesting or compelling one. "Eight Legged Freaks" is fun but not great to watch.

The movie its story starts off well and promising but soon after that it starts falling flat when it begins to introduce and follow way too many characters. Some of the characters aren't in the movie for like 15 minutes but then suddenly pops up again and the movie starts to follow them like they are some of the key characters of the movie. It makes "Eight Legged Freaks" feel like a disjointed movie, filled with some arachnid attack sequence without feeling an obvious connection. This also adds to the reason why the movie isn't exactly a very tense, exciting or compelling one to watch.

The effects of the movie are only so-so. I don't know it this was done on intention but I don't think so. They should had made the effects look entirely convincing or entirely fake looking. Now it's somewhere in between.

The actors did a great job. They obviously knew to not play their characters very seriously with as a result that they help to set up the right mood and B-movie atmosphere. Especially David Arquette did a great job with this. It was also great to see Scarlett Johansson in a role before her great breakthrough one year later. No way she would had ever played in a movie like this one now, at this moment.

By no means a must-see but when you watch it you'll probably have a good time, if you at least know not to take it very serious all.

6/10

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(Review originally written at 5 August 2006)

This movie is a very poorly put together one. It has a disjointed story, a weak non-present plot and some not engaging enough characters. This movie is a failed attempt to mix teenage-comedy with horror elements.

Awful dialog, awful make-up effects, awful music (and I thought only '80's music had horrendous irritating music.) and weak acting. This movie is a failed one on many accounts. Everything about it is very simple and makes a weak impression. But really the biggest problem with the movie is its story. It's still not clear to me what the main plot line and purpose of this movie was. It's a movie that goes nowhere with its story and it makes this movie a rather pointless one to watch. It's still not clear to me who the main villain Lothos exactly was, what he wanted and why.

The movie is very poorly put together and its basically like the one event after the other without feeling an obvious connection. The way some sequences follow the other just doesn't make sense. It makes the movie a very disjointed and weak one that is also heavily flawed in its simple editing. It makes the story seem even more simple and pointless than it already was. Some of the events and sequences are so bad and simple that they even become laughable.

Basically the movie is a failed attempt to mix teenage-comedy with horror. The movie is mainly an horror one but made in comedy style. Only problem is that the comedy style doesn't work out at all in the movie. The movie just isn't a funny one, which is mainly due to its poor dialog and weak characters. The movie isn't even fun in a campy sort of way.

The movie has some great actors but the acting is weak. Kristy Swanson just isn't likable enough as the main character (who even is Kristy Swanson?) and the same goes for Luke Perry. Donald Sutherland is also in it in a sort of Van Helsing role but his screen time is not long enough to leave a big or impressive mark on the movie. Rutger Hauer as the main vampire villain sounds like a good thing but he is surprisingly disappointing in this movie. He tries to play his character with class but he just isn't scary or good enough in his role. It's a pretty shallow performance of him and it perhaps even feels like he is holding back. The supporting cast is way more impressive with some early roles from Hilary Swank and David Arquette and bit parts for Ben Affleck and Ricki Lake.

A really failed, disjointed movie that is weak on basically every account. No way I'm ever going to watch this mess again!

3/10

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