You know that a movie is really bad when it makes you feel psychically ill. This for me was really the case with "Santa with Muscles". It's amazing how many bad Christmas/Santa Claus movies for kids are around. But this movie is even below the normal level of Santa Claus movies, that are made for kids.

It's very obviously a movie that got aimed toward young children but just because it's a kids movie doesn't mean it can get away just with everything. But also on top of that; I really can't see how kids could ever enjoy watching this movie. It really isn't that entertaining or humorous to watch because of some serious bad writing. If I had seen this movie as kid it probably wouldn't had annoyed me as much as it did now but I probably would still had been bored out of my skull while watching it.

I don't even know what this movie is supposed to be all about. It's such an huge mess to watch and it feels like the script got put together from a couple of other different Santa Claus scripts they had floating around somewhere in a dark corner. The movie too often doesn't make sense and it's a very inconsistent one to watch, since the story jumps all over the place and doesn't seem to know what it wants. What the story is also lacking is a good Christmas message in it. This movie has absolutely none and isn't even about the Christmas spirit at all. Who wants to watch a Santa Claus movie that isn't even somewhat remotely Christmas related.

It always has been sort of a mystery as to why Hulk Hogan's acting career never took off. He had the right looks and charisma and was and still is incredibly popular and well known, all over the world, due to his wrestling career. And hey, if Dwayne Johnson and Arnold Schwarzenegger have a big acting career, with similar backgrounds, than why couldn't he? The answer is in movies like this. He made some bad choices with his picks for movies and the highlights of his acting career are cameos in some well known movies, in which he only spoofs himself.

So Hulk Hogan doesn't impress much with this movie but so does nobody else in this. The movie made some weird casting choices, by making Steve Valentine and Ed Begley Jr. the main villains. When you have Hulk Hogan as your main hero, you need a strong and way more threatening villain opposing him, not two lab-geeks. It still gets points for having Clint Howard and a very young Mila Kunis in it though.

What also puzzles me is if this is supposed to be a Christmas movie than why does this movie look all the time like it got shot in the middle of the summer? Couldn't they at least somewhat tried to fake it.

To be honest, I don't think I'll ever put this movie on any of my worst movie lists but that is simply because I have seen so many bad movies, that are even in one way or another worse than this one. But of course that really doesn't make "Santa with Muscles" somewhat of a good or a remotely entertaining watch. Just avoid, it's not even watchable for its cult-value.


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About Frank Veenstra

Watches movies...writes about them...and that's it for now.
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